I Heart Florida
My love for Florida and the movies filmed there
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The entire state of Florida is an oxymoron. It’s sunny, with beautiful beaches and palm trees, it attracts families from all over the world to visit Disney World; and it’s the scam capital of the United States, has the weakest gun laws, and we can’t forget the constant googleable “Florida Man” headlines, such as “Florida Man Arrested Over “I Eat Ass” Sticker.” It’s like going to an idyllic suburb and all the basements are full of Monster Energy drinks.
I don’t mean that in a derogatory way. I love Florida. One of my most memorable family vacations took place there:
My dad cried in front of me (for the first time) while showing me a YouTube video of a man being reunited with a lion.
I had to share multiple beds with my brother and he farted on me any chance he got.
I visited my favourite animal, the manatee, at a rescue sanctuary. Manatees sleep nose to nose. It’s very cute.
My brother made fun of me for not being able to shit for days and then my dad got mad at him because he also hadn’t shit for days.
And my mom telling my dad and my brother that if they buy weed in Clearwater they will go to jail! They did not go to jail but they did manage to find weed.
I was reminded of my fondness for Florida by the release of A24’s much anticipated trailer for the film Zola, which is based on a wild Twitter thread that went viral in 2015.
Two dancers travel from Detroit to Tampa to make big money stripping, and the trip spirals into an crazed account of human trafficking and murder. Watching Zola is my main plan this summer, actually it’s my only plan.
The trailer’s amazing and captivating, and has my boy Nicholas Braun, who plays cousin Greg on the HBO show Succession, which is about my favourite unstable billionaire family. Billionaire’s have problems too! Like this champagne isn’t great but it’ll do.
The trailer also reminded me that I love movies filmed in Florida. When a movie’s filmed in Florida there are so many possibilities, like will there be beach or swamp, or both? Or neither???
There is a chaotic vibe, that I respect, to movies filmed in Florida. It’s truly the perfect place for a handjob on the beach. Moonlight, Spring Breakers (you had me at Skrillex), Magic Mike and Adaptation, to name a few.
And of course the erotic thriller that caused the sexual awakening of most thirteen year olds in 1998: Wild Things.
When I think of Wild Things I always picture Denise Richards getting out of a pool in a blue one piece, grabbing a towel and then dabbing herself like a robot that’s never been wet before.
Wild Things is the ultimate Florida film because it has everything: a gator park, a yacht club, wet t-shirts, corrupt cops, a motel, full frontal dick (👀), swamp AND beach. The list could go on for as long as Kevin Bacon’s dick is.
Wild Things has so many twists and surprises that for me to describe the plot wouldn’t do it justice. To quote Walt Whitman, “I (Wild Things) contain multitudes.”
If Zola is as unhinged as Wild Things we are in for treat.🍦